The Waiting

Life is full of waiting.  Waiting for the light to change, waiting in line at the grocery story, waiting in the car pool line, waiting for the doctor, waiting, waiting and more waiting.  A wise friend wrote these words to me yesterday, "waiting doesn't have to be learned - it has to be tolerated."  So true, my friends, so true.

Daniel and I have been in a place of waiting in the midst of a journey of trust.  A place of waiting that we never imagined.  A little over two years ago, Daniel and I began talking about expanding our family.  We figured it would take a few months but that in time we would once again be pregnant.  We began waiting.  The calendar pages turned and turned some more and we found ourselves still waiting.  Months passed and we finally found out we were pregnant only to lose that precious baby at just a little over 7 weeks.  We were raw.  An insensitive doctor calmly told me, "you are now part of the majority of childbearing women."  I did not want to be part of the majority, I wanted to be pregnant.  More time passed and we continued to wait.  After a little over a year of trying and waiting, along with a second loss, we decided to talk with my doctor.  In her opinion there was no concern since we had conceived naturally in the past but she suggested we begin a round of fertility meds and treatment.  Three cycles later we were still not pregnant and there were no answers.  My doctor then referred us to a fertility center and I underwent a battery of tests which all came back indicating we should have no difficulty conceiving a child.  Several more cycles of treatment followed and yet we found ourselves still waiting.  The waiting was and has been hard.  Each month brought with it a roller coaster of emotions.  We approached each cycle with great anticipation and ended each cycle trying to trust our Heavenly Father despite discouragement and disappointment. As we navigated the road of unexplained secondary infertility we continually found ourselves returning to adoption.  As we mentioned in our first post, adoption has always been a part of our family plan.  Not plan B, not "the next best thing," but 100% a part of the plan God has for our family.

So now the waiting continues but it has changed.  We are no longer waiting to conceive a child but we are waiting for the day that we will receive the photo of the child God has for our family.  We wait for phone calls from agencies, instructions as to next steps, appointments, referral, paperwork.  We wait and in the midst of the wait we trust.  It is not always easy but it is necessary and as my friend said, "waiting doesn't have to be learned - it has to be tolerated."