This afternoon we headed to the cardiologist in hopes of some further answers regarding our sweet girl's medical condition. We did not receive any definitive answers but we did receive two things. First, we received the great news that her heart is in perfect condition. Second, we received a precious gift from God. A heartbeat. Little A's heartbeat.
Every expectant mother anxiously awaits the doctor's appointment where they will hear their baby's heartbeat for the first time. I remember the day I first heard our eldest daughter's heartbeat. It was amazing. The sound of life flowing through her tiny body, protected within my womb. The indication that she was there. Thriving. Growing.
As we walked through our adoption process there were a number of things I missed about not physically being able to carry our new child. Hearing the beat of that tiny heart was one of them. But today, I received the gift of that heartbeat. Even though I knew we were seeing the cardiologist and that they would be doing a thorough examination of her heart, I did not go to the appointment even thinking about Little A's heartbeat. But God did.
One of the tests they conducted included the use of a doppler to listen to her heart and blood flow. The sound of her heart beating within her chest was music to this mama's ears. A heartbeat. My baby girl's heartbeat. I may not have had the opportunity to hear that precious sound while she was being snuggly carried in my womb but God knew what a gift it would be to me. He gifted me with something that to many would seem so ordinary, but for this mama, the one who longs to intimately know her baby girl who has so many unknowns in her short little life, it was absolutely extraordinary.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Sunday, March 1, 2015
6 Months and Almost 4 Years
6 months of discovering this little person that God has placed in our lives. 6 months of holding her close and helping her to feel safe when the world seems chaotic and unsafe about her. 6 months of watching her grow and learn and then again at times regress. 6 months of watching her gain independence and trust in the world around her. 6 months of trying to fill in the gaps of 42 months spent without her forever family. 6 months of restoration. 6 months of hope.
A lot has happened in 6 months but as I have said before, the road before us is long and the end is not nearly in sight. We continue to see doctors and therapists as we try to get a better understanding of our Little A's medical condition. Each week we head to physical therapy and speech therapy with hopes of helping our girl reach her full potential. We meet with a counselor to learn how to parent her well as we help her with her grief. Grief that as a mother is so hard to watch. Grief that I cannot fully understand. Our girl has suffered great loss that I wish she would have never had to face. Loss that brought her to us. Loss that gave us a second daughter. Loss that has brought great joy to our lives and hopefully hers, but loss just the same.
Today our precious girl has been home six months and in a few days she will be turning 4. Her first birthday in her forever home. Our first chance to celebrate the day she was born. I must be honest and say it is a bitter-sweet time for me. I long for the birthdays of the past 3 years when she was not with us. I cringe at the unknowns surrounding my daughter's earliest years and memories. My heart aches for a birth mom who is probably remembering her final days of pregnancy and the baby she would deliver but not watch grow into a beautiful little girl. A woman who does not know with certainty that her daughter has a mom, a dad and a big sister who are crazy in love with her. But I also rejoice that our girl is now home and we can celebrate her. She will know she is loved. She will know she is celebrated. She will know she is home!
6 months and almost 4 years. Time passes ever so quickly. What a gift it is to have this time with Little A.
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